I've been thinking a lot lately about the adage, "the past does not equal the future." Unfortunately, for most of us it does. As Ernest Holmes used to say, "We create with monotonous regularity the patterns of our past." It's 2010! Aren't you ready to break free of those patterns that keep recreating situations that you no longer want? I sure am!
When we rely on our past to guide us through our future, consciously or unconsciously, we are asking for the same outcome. When we create our future based on the pain of our past it does not result in happiness. Caroline Myss, author and teacher, tells us that "True healing requires that we find a route beyond our pain so it does not control us or cause us to want to punish or control others."
So what do we do? Our past does not go away. It's part of who we are. And make no mistake, it has made us into the wonderful human beings that we are today. But when there is unresolved pain or fear attached to our past it has a way of impacting our future. It also begins to create disease in our bodies as a result of the dis-ease in our minds. If you find problems in your relationships, career, family and health that continue to surface, chances are that they are signs of an unresolved past. This is good because this is the way we are directed to the root of our problems, our pain and our unhappiness. We can no longer blame anything or anyone outside of ourselves. There is a common denominator in every problem you have...you!
This is the good news. It means we have the power to change it. This is inner transformation. This will change our destiny because we are not doing the same thing and expecting different results - which, I believe, is the definition of insanity. Caroline goes on to say that, "this type of inner work demands we defeat our reasoning minds and enlist deeper resources within ourselves, namely the power of our souls. And getting in touch with that power is, without a doubt, an act of grace generously given to those who ask." I believe we are all asking. And when we do, answers reveal themselves in unexpected ways.
When you feel fear or discomfort as you proceed in a new direction in your life, you can be sure that it is linked to a painful past - it's hitting on a memory like cold water hits on a cavity. This is your sign. Your negative emotions are the best indicator of what's amiss. From this place there are so many things you can do to release its grip. You can do Byron Katie's, The Work; move up the emotional scale with the aid of tools from Abraham. You can pray and invoke your spiritual guides; or chant a strong and powerful Buddhist chant and then move forward with that new determination. You may simply need to forgive yourself or another by writing about it. It usually has nothing to do with another person. Healing happens at the level of the heart. Sometimes, simply becoming aware of something is all that is needed. It discharges the energy it has to miscreate in your life. We are constantly being directed toward our good and there is help, seen and unseen, all along the way. I recently reminded myself, by way of a friend's inquisition, that "If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible." – A Course in Miracles
We are demanding that 2010 be the year that delivers the good that we've been holding at bay. We will no longer subscribe to the fear of our limiting beliefs. We must begin to act from faith not fear. Faith, that we are being guided to our most perfect grace; not F.E.A.R - false evidence appearing real. When we poke at that fear, it's reality will disappear and the evidence of it in our lives will be gone.
I have been addressing money concerns differently this year and already getting markedly different results. I am consciously choosing not to think with the mind and memories of my past on the subject. I choose instead to think with the power of my soul and invoke all the help that I know surrounds me. If fear comes up, I lean heavily upon my faith and know with a strong inner knowing that all is well and getting better by the moment. My next step will be one of confidence knowing that I am boldly being directed to my good. I choose faith over fear because I have taken responsibility for my past and everything that happens in my life - I can't even blame the economy for it - that would leave me powerless and impotent to affect my future.
My friend, Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup fame, puts it well when he says, "...fear is self created by focusing on something in the future that hasn't happened yet." And we base that fear on our past. Let's stop perpetuating and creating fear. Let's bless our past for all that it continues to teach us and move boldly into 2010, confident that we are creating the lives we desire.
I leave you this week with a quote from Thoreau, who said it best! "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Happiness Realized
I've been thinking a lot lately about happiness and why it's so important. In fact it's the most important thing we can do in life. But so many reasons, habits and "shoulds" have blocked us from pursuing our own happiness.
We've been told that it's a selfish endeavor and we should think of others first. Having an Italian, Catholic background this not only sounded right to me, but it felt right. It was genetically accurate as far as I was concerned. Being a martyr was the calling of my DNA as I watched my grandmother sweat in the kitchen, suffer for her family and say with regularity, "you'll be sorry when I'm gone." It's no wonder her last name was Martorella! I kid you not. Clearly, I was born to suffer for the good of others - but without donning the black veil. That would be a bit over the top. But without question, coming from the Puritanical path that built this Country and being indoctrinated in the great American work ethic, we've been taught that we must work hard for the good of others. But when we forget ourselves in the process, being the good Christian, Jew, Catholic or what have you, we become like the starving man trying to feed others.
I think I talked before about what my wish for the world would be, if I were given one wish - and it couldn't be to have an infinite number of wishes. (I thought I had that one figured out as a kid.) But if I truly had only one wish, it would be that everyone would constantly feel like they were in love. Think about how wonderful the world looked from that perspective; how kind and compassionate you were to everyone because it naturally came from your joy. I seriously doubt that hunger, war or hatred could survive if the dominant emotion on this planet was love. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that that feeling is the feeling of true happiness that we were born to have.
Since it's true that there is no one out there but ourselves and that we are the playwright of our own reality, then our own happiness is a significant barometer in what we create. Psychologists call it projection. We simply project our internal awareness, whether good or bad, onto people and onto the world and thus create our lives. It is no surprise that our thoughts create. What we think and what we believe becomes our lives. However, more potent still are the feelings that drive those thoughts. When beliefs, which are just thoughts we keep on thinking, are fueled by strong emotion, our power of creation is exponentially packed. When there is anger and hatred behind a belief, our world is full of judgment, bigotry and war. When happiness and joy feed our beliefs, our lives and the world become a very different place. The book, Ask and It Is Given, by my good friends Esther and Jerry Hicks, gives great insight to how powerfully our emotions attract circumstances into our lives. (The link is in "My Library.")
There is no doubt that we create our world, and if happiness is cultivated, it becomes the back-drop of our creation. It is the most important thing we can do for our lives and for this world. It is our own internal joy that will propel vast goodwill, which will foster the healing of pain. The beauty of this happiness and joy is that is exists inside ourselves. We look for it in so many other places first - our education, career, family, financial standing - when in fact it resides within us and has all along. It will never be found outside of ourselves, even if we attain everything that we "think" will make us happy. It brings to mind something Terry Cole-Whittaker, author of What You Think of Me is None of My Business, among other books, would say. "The thing you're waiting to have happen before you make the commitment happens after you make the commitment." In other words, a commitment to yourself is necessary in order to realize your desires. It's opposite of how the world has taught us. Go to the good school, get the grades, the job, the family and then you will be happy and successful. We all know people with all these things who are fundamentally unhappy wondering, "Is this all there is?"
When you are happy, irrespective of external circumstances, life is sweet and you feel good. This vibration that causes good things to come our way. They are the feelings that foster our desire to help one another, to be kind to one another. Contrast that against trying to help others when we ourselves are unhappy. It only causes more unhappiness.
No matter how much we might think otherwise, we are all one. You cannot do something to another person without doing it to yourself. Spiritually we are told that we are all part of the same source - God, love, the universe - by whatever name you call it. Quantum physicists tell us that we are all connected by an intelligent field. We affect ourselves by our actions to another. That is why, as my Science of Mind teachers used to tell me, "You cannot out give God." When you are happy and do something kind to another, you feel great. The better you feel the more you raise your vibration, the higher your vibration, the more attractive it is to the things you desire. It is good followed by more good - you cannot out give God. Christians call it the Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Buddhists call it Cause and Effect - what you do comes back to you.
So, what is it that stands in the way of us being happy? Our past? Our beliefs about ourselves? Our judgments about ourselves as we compare ourselves to the rest of the world? All of it, I believe, which is why we must begin with our own thoughts and feelings. In this coming new year, try to look at yourself through the eyes of that "being in love" place. We would never treat a person who we were in love with the way we treat ourselves. Begin to focus on the perfection of who you are - we are innocent and we are love. Daisaku Ikeda, Buddhist philosopher and author, tells us that, "There is an expansive life-state of profound, secure happiness that transcends any material or social advantage. It is called faith, it is called the life-state of Buddhahood."
As you stand-up for the truth of who you are, things unlike it may surface. Be quick to forgive yourself or another realizing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly, that reason is to learn compassion and to uncover the truth about ourselves and others. A Course In Miracles says that, "The miracle does nothing. All it does is to undo. And thus it cancels out the interference to what has been done. It does not add, but merely takes away." Let the miracle in your life be the undoing of all that has covered your innate happiness. When you do, your joy will automatically rise to the top like a cork that was being held under water. It naturally wants to spring to the surface and when you let go, it will. When you pop that cork on New Year's think of all the joy and happiness that will naturally come forth out of your very being. Begin to feel the joy and happiness in your life and it will expand. War will never end with weapons. It will only cease when we find the place of peace and joy within our own lives and then extend it to another. Let's bombard one another with the kindness in 2010 - that kindness that will naturally be born from our happiness. It's easy to be joyful when happiness is your dominant vibration. Let's lead with joy in 2010 and see how profoundly we'll change the world simply by becoming happy.
I leave you this week with another gift from my friend, Jacob. It's his New Year's Booklet and I highly recommend it. It will set you on the right track for 2010.
I also leave you with a quote from Helen Keller who encouraged us to keep our thoughts high when she said, "No pessimist ever discouvered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."
We've been told that it's a selfish endeavor and we should think of others first. Having an Italian, Catholic background this not only sounded right to me, but it felt right. It was genetically accurate as far as I was concerned. Being a martyr was the calling of my DNA as I watched my grandmother sweat in the kitchen, suffer for her family and say with regularity, "you'll be sorry when I'm gone." It's no wonder her last name was Martorella! I kid you not. Clearly, I was born to suffer for the good of others - but without donning the black veil. That would be a bit over the top. But without question, coming from the Puritanical path that built this Country and being indoctrinated in the great American work ethic, we've been taught that we must work hard for the good of others. But when we forget ourselves in the process, being the good Christian, Jew, Catholic or what have you, we become like the starving man trying to feed others.
I think I talked before about what my wish for the world would be, if I were given one wish - and it couldn't be to have an infinite number of wishes. (I thought I had that one figured out as a kid.) But if I truly had only one wish, it would be that everyone would constantly feel like they were in love. Think about how wonderful the world looked from that perspective; how kind and compassionate you were to everyone because it naturally came from your joy. I seriously doubt that hunger, war or hatred could survive if the dominant emotion on this planet was love. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that that feeling is the feeling of true happiness that we were born to have.
Since it's true that there is no one out there but ourselves and that we are the playwright of our own reality, then our own happiness is a significant barometer in what we create. Psychologists call it projection. We simply project our internal awareness, whether good or bad, onto people and onto the world and thus create our lives. It is no surprise that our thoughts create. What we think and what we believe becomes our lives. However, more potent still are the feelings that drive those thoughts. When beliefs, which are just thoughts we keep on thinking, are fueled by strong emotion, our power of creation is exponentially packed. When there is anger and hatred behind a belief, our world is full of judgment, bigotry and war. When happiness and joy feed our beliefs, our lives and the world become a very different place. The book, Ask and It Is Given, by my good friends Esther and Jerry Hicks, gives great insight to how powerfully our emotions attract circumstances into our lives. (The link is in "My Library.")
There is no doubt that we create our world, and if happiness is cultivated, it becomes the back-drop of our creation. It is the most important thing we can do for our lives and for this world. It is our own internal joy that will propel vast goodwill, which will foster the healing of pain. The beauty of this happiness and joy is that is exists inside ourselves. We look for it in so many other places first - our education, career, family, financial standing - when in fact it resides within us and has all along. It will never be found outside of ourselves, even if we attain everything that we "think" will make us happy. It brings to mind something Terry Cole-Whittaker, author of What You Think of Me is None of My Business, among other books, would say. "The thing you're waiting to have happen before you make the commitment happens after you make the commitment." In other words, a commitment to yourself is necessary in order to realize your desires. It's opposite of how the world has taught us. Go to the good school, get the grades, the job, the family and then you will be happy and successful. We all know people with all these things who are fundamentally unhappy wondering, "Is this all there is?"
When you are happy, irrespective of external circumstances, life is sweet and you feel good. This vibration that causes good things to come our way. They are the feelings that foster our desire to help one another, to be kind to one another. Contrast that against trying to help others when we ourselves are unhappy. It only causes more unhappiness.
No matter how much we might think otherwise, we are all one. You cannot do something to another person without doing it to yourself. Spiritually we are told that we are all part of the same source - God, love, the universe - by whatever name you call it. Quantum physicists tell us that we are all connected by an intelligent field. We affect ourselves by our actions to another. That is why, as my Science of Mind teachers used to tell me, "You cannot out give God." When you are happy and do something kind to another, you feel great. The better you feel the more you raise your vibration, the higher your vibration, the more attractive it is to the things you desire. It is good followed by more good - you cannot out give God. Christians call it the Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Buddhists call it Cause and Effect - what you do comes back to you.
So, what is it that stands in the way of us being happy? Our past? Our beliefs about ourselves? Our judgments about ourselves as we compare ourselves to the rest of the world? All of it, I believe, which is why we must begin with our own thoughts and feelings. In this coming new year, try to look at yourself through the eyes of that "being in love" place. We would never treat a person who we were in love with the way we treat ourselves. Begin to focus on the perfection of who you are - we are innocent and we are love. Daisaku Ikeda, Buddhist philosopher and author, tells us that, "There is an expansive life-state of profound, secure happiness that transcends any material or social advantage. It is called faith, it is called the life-state of Buddhahood."
As you stand-up for the truth of who you are, things unlike it may surface. Be quick to forgive yourself or another realizing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly, that reason is to learn compassion and to uncover the truth about ourselves and others. A Course In Miracles says that, "The miracle does nothing. All it does is to undo. And thus it cancels out the interference to what has been done. It does not add, but merely takes away." Let the miracle in your life be the undoing of all that has covered your innate happiness. When you do, your joy will automatically rise to the top like a cork that was being held under water. It naturally wants to spring to the surface and when you let go, it will. When you pop that cork on New Year's think of all the joy and happiness that will naturally come forth out of your very being. Begin to feel the joy and happiness in your life and it will expand. War will never end with weapons. It will only cease when we find the place of peace and joy within our own lives and then extend it to another. Let's bombard one another with the kindness in 2010 - that kindness that will naturally be born from our happiness. It's easy to be joyful when happiness is your dominant vibration. Let's lead with joy in 2010 and see how profoundly we'll change the world simply by becoming happy.
I leave you this week with another gift from my friend, Jacob. It's his New Year's Booklet and I highly recommend it. It will set you on the right track for 2010.
I also leave you with a quote from Helen Keller who encouraged us to keep our thoughts high when she said, "No pessimist ever discouvered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Simply Wonderful
I've been thinking a lot lately about a very deep and very wise admonition A Course In Miracles gives to "Avoid the temptation to perceive yourself as unfairly treated."
This is a big one for me because given the opportunity, I could easily dwell in feeling sorry for myself. But the minute I do, I have just set into motion opportunities for circumstances to enter my life that help me feel like a victim. I've opened the door for those types of possibilities to be let in. Remember, we create what we focus on, wanted or unwanted. We live in a compliant universe. It always agrees with what we think and gives us more of that - I'm stupid. Yes you are. I'm happy. Yes you are. I'm rich, pretty, successful, attractive; whatever it may be the universe is quick to provide agreement and give of us evidence that our thoughts are right.
It is increasingly easy in today's world to perceive ourselves as unfairly treated, as victims of circumstances, when things like the economy seem to upset our apple cart. It becomes easy to point to a specific person or thing and deem them responsible for our unhappiness. It is clearly outside of ourselves, right? When we perceive the world this way we slide into the vicious cycle of blame, anger and separation. It keeps the position of victim strong and we all know what that attracts - more circumstances that allow us to feel sorry for ourselves. That is not a happy life. None of it serves our lives. We are first cause of everything - plain and simple.
No one seems to be going through these times unscathed. People everywhere are being pressured to let go of patterns and give up thoughts that have not served them. Like the rock that endures tremendous heat and pressure, we are given the opportunity to become diamonds. But it requires us to let go of the patterns of our past. We must wake up and become conscious of the thoughts we keep on thinking that keep sustaining the life that we keep on getting. Dr. Ernest Holmes said it best, "We create with monotonous regularity the patterns of our past." ...Until we seek to change our minds.
Along with these difficult times we are being given tremendous opportunity for change. Old ways of being are dying and giving birth to new beginnings. We are being asked to give up patterns and thoughts that have held us back so we can have everything we've ever dreamed of. It easy for us to be convinced that things are bad. It's time to make the switch and be convinced of how good things can be. As Marianne Williamson would say, "Ask for what wonderful looks like." Let's not hold on to being "sufferers" who perceive ourselves as unfairly treated. Let's take responsibility for what we create in our lives so that we can create anew.
How best do we begin to shed this old skin? Awareness is the first step. Once you become conscious of your patterns you automatically begin to diffuse them. Also, there is nothing more potent or positively attractive than gratitude and appreciation. It is fitting in this time we set aside for Thanksgiving that I ask you to become an avid appreciator. Begin to notice everything that is good in your life and everything that is going right. There is so much. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing flaws, notice the perfection there is to behold. When I would look at a photograph of myself that I didn't like, my wise Italian mother would say to me, "You're going to love it in 10 years!" She was right. But let's not wait. Let's love and appreciate ourselves now and be grateful for the wonderful lives we have been given. Remember, we get what we focus on, whether wanted or unwanted. Let's focus on wonderful this week.
Finally, take a look at my friend Jacob's Daily Pages post. His 30 day suggestion is exactly what's called for here. I strongly suggest you try it for the next 30 days - I am going to. Let's take this journey together and watch wonderful unfold in ways we've never dreamed of.
I leave you this week, with a quote from Meister Eckhart who said, "If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would be enough.”
This is a big one for me because given the opportunity, I could easily dwell in feeling sorry for myself. But the minute I do, I have just set into motion opportunities for circumstances to enter my life that help me feel like a victim. I've opened the door for those types of possibilities to be let in. Remember, we create what we focus on, wanted or unwanted. We live in a compliant universe. It always agrees with what we think and gives us more of that - I'm stupid. Yes you are. I'm happy. Yes you are. I'm rich, pretty, successful, attractive; whatever it may be the universe is quick to provide agreement and give of us evidence that our thoughts are right.
It is increasingly easy in today's world to perceive ourselves as unfairly treated, as victims of circumstances, when things like the economy seem to upset our apple cart. It becomes easy to point to a specific person or thing and deem them responsible for our unhappiness. It is clearly outside of ourselves, right? When we perceive the world this way we slide into the vicious cycle of blame, anger and separation. It keeps the position of victim strong and we all know what that attracts - more circumstances that allow us to feel sorry for ourselves. That is not a happy life. None of it serves our lives. We are first cause of everything - plain and simple.
No one seems to be going through these times unscathed. People everywhere are being pressured to let go of patterns and give up thoughts that have not served them. Like the rock that endures tremendous heat and pressure, we are given the opportunity to become diamonds. But it requires us to let go of the patterns of our past. We must wake up and become conscious of the thoughts we keep on thinking that keep sustaining the life that we keep on getting. Dr. Ernest Holmes said it best, "We create with monotonous regularity the patterns of our past." ...Until we seek to change our minds.
Along with these difficult times we are being given tremendous opportunity for change. Old ways of being are dying and giving birth to new beginnings. We are being asked to give up patterns and thoughts that have held us back so we can have everything we've ever dreamed of. It easy for us to be convinced that things are bad. It's time to make the switch and be convinced of how good things can be. As Marianne Williamson would say, "Ask for what wonderful looks like." Let's not hold on to being "sufferers" who perceive ourselves as unfairly treated. Let's take responsibility for what we create in our lives so that we can create anew.
How best do we begin to shed this old skin? Awareness is the first step. Once you become conscious of your patterns you automatically begin to diffuse them. Also, there is nothing more potent or positively attractive than gratitude and appreciation. It is fitting in this time we set aside for Thanksgiving that I ask you to become an avid appreciator. Begin to notice everything that is good in your life and everything that is going right. There is so much. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing flaws, notice the perfection there is to behold. When I would look at a photograph of myself that I didn't like, my wise Italian mother would say to me, "You're going to love it in 10 years!" She was right. But let's not wait. Let's love and appreciate ourselves now and be grateful for the wonderful lives we have been given. Remember, we get what we focus on, whether wanted or unwanted. Let's focus on wonderful this week.
Finally, take a look at my friend Jacob's Daily Pages post. His 30 day suggestion is exactly what's called for here. I strongly suggest you try it for the next 30 days - I am going to. Let's take this journey together and watch wonderful unfold in ways we've never dreamed of.
I leave you this week, with a quote from Meister Eckhart who said, "If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would be enough.”
Monday, November 9, 2009
Joy Rising
I've been thinking a lot lately about something a guest on The Oprah Show said. Oprah was talking about the Flash Mob Dance that opened her season this year, which was a big and delightful surprise for her. When she questioned one of the participants about his experience in the process, he remarked that it felt like "joy rising." Well put, I thought. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from Abraham, "Let your joy rise to the top." It's a powerful edict, but so often ignored for more "important" issues.
It seems, especially in times that are economically stressful, we tend to sublimate our joy and happiness in lieu of areas that we think are more important. We work hard on those things that we think will deliver us the and joy and happiness that we seek - the perfect relationship, kids, career, money and home. We're working from the outside in trying to get all our ducks in a row and it's hard. It's especially hard in times like these when worry is rampant and fear dominates our news cycle and then our lives. When everyone is afraid and talks about how bad things are, it becomes easier to believe that it is true. Then our lives manifest those beliefs - form follows thought - and before you know it we've attracted the things we fear. Wars are raging, people are losing their jobs and their homes, and things are in a very unsettling flux. Then we wonder, 'how can I be happy when I can't even pay my rent? Perhaps we should consider adopting happiness so we CAN pay our rent.
I think this is the most important thing we can do for ourselves and for our world. To seek our happiness first is the vital first step. Joy and happiness are powerful magnets in this universe. If any of you have children, you know that they barely listen to what you say but they mimic with startling accuracy everything you do. If you seek your own internal happiness barometer first, they will learn from you how to do it for themselves. What an invaluable gift we would be giving the next generation on this planet. We only want for them happiness anyway, right? We must teach it through our actions. It's important to ban the thoughts that we're just being selfish. A starving man can't offer anyone food. Or as our stewardesses tell us, "Put your oxygen mask on first." We must begin to sustain ourselves with the powerful element of joy. It will change our lives and change the world. Imagine if everyone did it.
By now, we all know that what we focus on becomes our point of attraction. The more we focus on something, the more we see it clearly around us and the more we get to experience it. Try thinking of something, anything - white Prius', blue crystal vases - anything. Then just notice how many times a day those things will cross your path. It's the same thing with our thoughts. When we throw emotions into the mix, we've created exponential attraction. Joy begets more joy, which is an attractive element for more joyful opportunities to be drawn to us.
Let's make a conscious effort to end the thoughts that make us feel bad. I'm not saying to ignore issues in your life that cause you pain. I'm not negating your pain. I am asking you to once again exercise positive denial. Change the story you tell yourself about your painful situation. Haven't you suffered enough?
I finally set myself free when I changed the story around my father's death. He died when I was barely 2 years old - so much pain, so many false stories built around it. I lived years as a victim as a result. The only thing you get from the belief that you are a victim is more opportunities to be one - what we concentrate on becomes our point of attraction. I was right about the situation, but I was not happy. It wasn't until I changed my story around his death that I changed my life. Again, positive denial. I changed my mind about what it meant. I changed my story. I even changed the way I told the story and it changed my life. Positive denial does not say that the facts did not happen, that's negative denial. We cannot pretend something didn't happen. We deal it with the pain and then we tell ourselves a different story. The story that was meant to bring us those invaluable lessons. The Buddhist philosopher and author, Daisaku Ikeda, tells us that, "You are the playwright of your own victory."
Positive denial neutralizes the power the facts have over our lives by stripping them of their fear. All that's left are the lessons and the gifts they bring. All that's left is the love. Once we've created the new scenario it's important to follow-up by affirming a deeper truth. In the case of my father, I changed the painful story of abandonment into the gifts that were meant to enrich my life. I began to list them. It was a startling and empowering eye-opener. Why hadn't I been concentrating on these things all along? I began to feel the strong presence of my father after that. There is no distance in the heart. He would always be with me and his exit from this physical world was exactly what I needed, on a soul level. I became, "the playwright of my own victory," instead of the wounded actor.
Joy, happiness, peace and love are the most important things we can mine in our lives. Not only does it make us happy right here, right now, it also sets the stage for future happiness. It becomes the attraction for better things to come. We teach by example. Everyone will begin to take notice and want it for themselves. Joy is contagious Things will begin to change in this world. They already have. I believe all the difficulty we are experiencing is the apple cart of fear being turned over because of all the compassion and love that is being proliferated. It's not unusual to hear stories of hope, spirituality, forgiveness and gratitude in the media. This wasn't the case even ten years ago. We've begun the change and the old paradigm is crumbling. We're telling a better story, and it's replacing much of the fear in this world with hope. We are beginning to release the fears that grip our own hearts. They are not true. It's time to let go of their affect.
Happiness, joy and fun are not frivolous. They are some of the most important elements that we need to change our lives and to change the world.
I would encourage you this week to "Let your joy rise to the top." Pay attention to the things that make you happy. Watch Flash Mob videos or participate in one! Spend time with a good friend, a family member that you love; lend a hand to someone. Pick-up Dr. Christiane Northrup's CD The Power of Joy. It will make you smile while it imparts wonderful information for your head and heart. It doesn't have to be anything big. There are so many small things that happen throughout the day that elicit joy. My friend Jacob and I celebrate "Red Cup Days" at Starbucks - their official launch of the holidays. My husband finds happiness and joy in beautiful music and our house sings as a result. Keb' Mo's new CD Live & Mo' greets me when I walk through the door after a long day. My fatigue disappears because joy has replaced it. It changes the entire atmosphere of the evening. Simple. Powerful. Very important. Small moments hooked together become our entire lives. Why not make those moments joyful?
Find your joy this week, whatever that might be for you. If a situation or problem arises, in contrast, it will be your opportunity to join me in practicing positive denial. Most worry persists because we believe in a scary story that we tell ourselves about our future. The future never has to come to pass that way if you change your thoughts in the moment. Stay in the present, change the story and mine for fun this week. It will show up where you least expect it.
I often think of the words, attributed to "anonymous," which leads me to believe that it is the combined sentiment of many - another inspiring and uplifting thought that I like to have - they are, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
I leave you with a touching video that reminds me of the overwhelming good in people, and that...makes me very happy.
Watch CBS News Videos Online
It seems, especially in times that are economically stressful, we tend to sublimate our joy and happiness in lieu of areas that we think are more important. We work hard on those things that we think will deliver us the and joy and happiness that we seek - the perfect relationship, kids, career, money and home. We're working from the outside in trying to get all our ducks in a row and it's hard. It's especially hard in times like these when worry is rampant and fear dominates our news cycle and then our lives. When everyone is afraid and talks about how bad things are, it becomes easier to believe that it is true. Then our lives manifest those beliefs - form follows thought - and before you know it we've attracted the things we fear. Wars are raging, people are losing their jobs and their homes, and things are in a very unsettling flux. Then we wonder, 'how can I be happy when I can't even pay my rent? Perhaps we should consider adopting happiness so we CAN pay our rent.
I think this is the most important thing we can do for ourselves and for our world. To seek our happiness first is the vital first step. Joy and happiness are powerful magnets in this universe. If any of you have children, you know that they barely listen to what you say but they mimic with startling accuracy everything you do. If you seek your own internal happiness barometer first, they will learn from you how to do it for themselves. What an invaluable gift we would be giving the next generation on this planet. We only want for them happiness anyway, right? We must teach it through our actions. It's important to ban the thoughts that we're just being selfish. A starving man can't offer anyone food. Or as our stewardesses tell us, "Put your oxygen mask on first." We must begin to sustain ourselves with the powerful element of joy. It will change our lives and change the world. Imagine if everyone did it.
By now, we all know that what we focus on becomes our point of attraction. The more we focus on something, the more we see it clearly around us and the more we get to experience it. Try thinking of something, anything - white Prius', blue crystal vases - anything. Then just notice how many times a day those things will cross your path. It's the same thing with our thoughts. When we throw emotions into the mix, we've created exponential attraction. Joy begets more joy, which is an attractive element for more joyful opportunities to be drawn to us.
Let's make a conscious effort to end the thoughts that make us feel bad. I'm not saying to ignore issues in your life that cause you pain. I'm not negating your pain. I am asking you to once again exercise positive denial. Change the story you tell yourself about your painful situation. Haven't you suffered enough?
I finally set myself free when I changed the story around my father's death. He died when I was barely 2 years old - so much pain, so many false stories built around it. I lived years as a victim as a result. The only thing you get from the belief that you are a victim is more opportunities to be one - what we concentrate on becomes our point of attraction. I was right about the situation, but I was not happy. It wasn't until I changed my story around his death that I changed my life. Again, positive denial. I changed my mind about what it meant. I changed my story. I even changed the way I told the story and it changed my life. Positive denial does not say that the facts did not happen, that's negative denial. We cannot pretend something didn't happen. We deal it with the pain and then we tell ourselves a different story. The story that was meant to bring us those invaluable lessons. The Buddhist philosopher and author, Daisaku Ikeda, tells us that, "You are the playwright of your own victory."
Positive denial neutralizes the power the facts have over our lives by stripping them of their fear. All that's left are the lessons and the gifts they bring. All that's left is the love. Once we've created the new scenario it's important to follow-up by affirming a deeper truth. In the case of my father, I changed the painful story of abandonment into the gifts that were meant to enrich my life. I began to list them. It was a startling and empowering eye-opener. Why hadn't I been concentrating on these things all along? I began to feel the strong presence of my father after that. There is no distance in the heart. He would always be with me and his exit from this physical world was exactly what I needed, on a soul level. I became, "the playwright of my own victory," instead of the wounded actor.
Joy, happiness, peace and love are the most important things we can mine in our lives. Not only does it make us happy right here, right now, it also sets the stage for future happiness. It becomes the attraction for better things to come. We teach by example. Everyone will begin to take notice and want it for themselves. Joy is contagious Things will begin to change in this world. They already have. I believe all the difficulty we are experiencing is the apple cart of fear being turned over because of all the compassion and love that is being proliferated. It's not unusual to hear stories of hope, spirituality, forgiveness and gratitude in the media. This wasn't the case even ten years ago. We've begun the change and the old paradigm is crumbling. We're telling a better story, and it's replacing much of the fear in this world with hope. We are beginning to release the fears that grip our own hearts. They are not true. It's time to let go of their affect.
Happiness, joy and fun are not frivolous. They are some of the most important elements that we need to change our lives and to change the world.
I would encourage you this week to "Let your joy rise to the top." Pay attention to the things that make you happy. Watch Flash Mob videos or participate in one! Spend time with a good friend, a family member that you love; lend a hand to someone. Pick-up Dr. Christiane Northrup's CD The Power of Joy. It will make you smile while it imparts wonderful information for your head and heart. It doesn't have to be anything big. There are so many small things that happen throughout the day that elicit joy. My friend Jacob and I celebrate "Red Cup Days" at Starbucks - their official launch of the holidays. My husband finds happiness and joy in beautiful music and our house sings as a result. Keb' Mo's new CD Live & Mo' greets me when I walk through the door after a long day. My fatigue disappears because joy has replaced it. It changes the entire atmosphere of the evening. Simple. Powerful. Very important. Small moments hooked together become our entire lives. Why not make those moments joyful?
Find your joy this week, whatever that might be for you. If a situation or problem arises, in contrast, it will be your opportunity to join me in practicing positive denial. Most worry persists because we believe in a scary story that we tell ourselves about our future. The future never has to come to pass that way if you change your thoughts in the moment. Stay in the present, change the story and mine for fun this week. It will show up where you least expect it.
I often think of the words, attributed to "anonymous," which leads me to believe that it is the combined sentiment of many - another inspiring and uplifting thought that I like to have - they are, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
I leave you with a touching video that reminds me of the overwhelming good in people, and that...makes me very happy.
Watch CBS News Videos Online
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Our Inner Lizard
I've been thinking a lot lately about something a Practitioner teacher of mine used to say, "Left to our own devices we tend to make things up on the downside." In other words, we tend to believe the worse case scenario in a given situation, especially when we don't have all the information. Perhaps someone makes a casual comment or remark and we think to ourselves, 'what's that supposed to mean?' Before you know it we've made up some horrible story around a few simple words only to find that it was not the case at all. We've made it up on the downside. We've tapped into a false belief about ourselves that has us convinced that we've done something wrong that merits punishment. Talk about a happiness buster!
Why do we make things up on the downside? Left to its own devices, we have an inner dialogue constantly running amok in our heads that tries to convince us that we are not good enough and never will be. It is that critical voice of our parent, a teacher or that perfectionist that holds up a stick that we could never measure up to. We also live in a world that continues to reinforce our feelings of inadequacy The Ralph Lauren model who made headline news this week is a perfect example. The ad department for Ralph Lauren Photoshopped so much weight off of a model's body, it made her head look freakishly large. If you click on the link above, scroll down the page and see what she really looks like. We are being fed the message that her looks are just not good enough. No wonder young girls develop eating disorders and the diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry.
These and other industries are dedicated to feeding our inner critic and it bombards us with fodder for our discontent. It keeps alive an inner dialogue that stops us from getting the things we want out of life. Remember, we create what we focus on - wanted or unwanted. When that inner negative rumble feeds our insecurities it gets reinforced by strong emotion and then it becomes our dominant point of attraction. We wonder why life isn't working out the way we want it to, completely oblivious to the voice that runs in the background - we've grown used to it. It's almost as if we're running on autopilot. The tail is wagging the dog. And then we wonder why we aren't living our dreams.
That's all about to change.
It's time to blow the cover on that inner critic, expose it to the light and remind ourselves that I'm onto to you! Once you become aware of something, by virtue of your attention to it, it must change. Marianne Williamson used to say that conscious awareness is the first act of healing. We heal by noticing - it's as simple as that. A Course In Miracles calls that inner voice our ego self; Buddhism calls it the small ego; and Martha Beck calls this voice our inner lizard. We do not want to judge that part of ourselves or call it wrong, we simply acknowledge it in order to discharge its power. Martha Beck appeases her lizard with a peanut, while Abraham suggests that we thank it for sharing and then send it to its room.
I suggest you forge a strong connection with your source by whatever name you call it - God, The Universe, Your Higher Self, your Buddha Nature or Love. This is the truth of who we are. It is not something outside ourselves that we have to besiege in order to have good things in life - that's Santa Clause. I'm talking about highlighting the truth and making it dominant in your life by whatever means you deem effective - chanting, meditating, affirmations, gratitude lists - they are all effective. By practicing those things more throughout our day we affect those inner voices. Our default then begins to switch away from the knee jerk reaction of negativity - making things up on the down side - toward our more enlightened self, which bends over backwards to give us our heart's desire. When we begin to shift our point of attraction to a positive one, our lives change, our circumstances change and it becomes easier to focus on what's good and what's going right. The inner dialogue shifts.
This is profoundly different than just "thinking positively." That often comes across as void of compassion and an arrogant way of correcting another without dealing with our own lives. That would be negative denial - or as my friend Jacob would say, "putting pink icing on a shit cake." What we are doing is addressing the facts head on while refuting that they have any power over us. By all means deal with any negative voice that consistently reinforces pain by talking to someone - a therapist, minister, counselor, Rabbi or Practitioner. Find a way to appropriately vent your pain as you seek to let it go. Stop letting it leak out by complaining or calling something chronic or constant talk about how "that's just my luck." It does not serve our lives, it just perpetuates circumstances that we do not want. I'm talking about subscribing to a force that holds the galaxies in place. The Universe is so compliant that it seeks to give us what we want. Let's stop feeding it with our negative voices. Begin to recognize and acknowledge when you attract good things in your life, things that go right. Talk about those things more than you talk about what's wrong.
It is time to get a very strong vision for our lives - what it's about and what we are going to focus on. It begins by becoming conscious of our thoughts, our negative tapes. Just notice. We heal by noticing. Let's begin to notice what's going right, not what's going wrong as our training and our world has taught us. These are important times and we will change our lives by reaching deep within for a lasting and eternal truth that resides there, not by trying to get things from without.
I leave you this week with the very wise words from a dominant voice in forging peace in the world today, Daisaku Ikeda. A philosopher, educator, author and third president of the Soka Gakkai lay Buddhist organization. His yearly peace proposals submitted to the United Nations have made a profound impact on world leaders. Take heed to his words when he says, "Such things as money, fame and material possessions offer a fleeting satisfaction, something that can be called relative happiness. However, when we transform our lives internally, when we develop within ourselves a brilliant inner palace, then we can said to have established absolute happiness. If we develop a state of mind as vast and resplendent as a magnificent palace, then nothing - no matter where we go or what we may encounter in life - can undermine or destroy our happiness."
I also leave you with a video of someone who embodies positive denial - recognizing the facts but refuting the power they have over her. She refused to listen to the negative voices and made it up on the "upside!"
Why do we make things up on the downside? Left to its own devices, we have an inner dialogue constantly running amok in our heads that tries to convince us that we are not good enough and never will be. It is that critical voice of our parent, a teacher or that perfectionist that holds up a stick that we could never measure up to. We also live in a world that continues to reinforce our feelings of inadequacy The Ralph Lauren model who made headline news this week is a perfect example. The ad department for Ralph Lauren Photoshopped so much weight off of a model's body, it made her head look freakishly large. If you click on the link above, scroll down the page and see what she really looks like. We are being fed the message that her looks are just not good enough. No wonder young girls develop eating disorders and the diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry.
These and other industries are dedicated to feeding our inner critic and it bombards us with fodder for our discontent. It keeps alive an inner dialogue that stops us from getting the things we want out of life. Remember, we create what we focus on - wanted or unwanted. When that inner negative rumble feeds our insecurities it gets reinforced by strong emotion and then it becomes our dominant point of attraction. We wonder why life isn't working out the way we want it to, completely oblivious to the voice that runs in the background - we've grown used to it. It's almost as if we're running on autopilot. The tail is wagging the dog. And then we wonder why we aren't living our dreams.
That's all about to change.
It's time to blow the cover on that inner critic, expose it to the light and remind ourselves that I'm onto to you! Once you become aware of something, by virtue of your attention to it, it must change. Marianne Williamson used to say that conscious awareness is the first act of healing. We heal by noticing - it's as simple as that. A Course In Miracles calls that inner voice our ego self; Buddhism calls it the small ego; and Martha Beck calls this voice our inner lizard. We do not want to judge that part of ourselves or call it wrong, we simply acknowledge it in order to discharge its power. Martha Beck appeases her lizard with a peanut, while Abraham suggests that we thank it for sharing and then send it to its room.
I suggest you forge a strong connection with your source by whatever name you call it - God, The Universe, Your Higher Self, your Buddha Nature or Love. This is the truth of who we are. It is not something outside ourselves that we have to besiege in order to have good things in life - that's Santa Clause. I'm talking about highlighting the truth and making it dominant in your life by whatever means you deem effective - chanting, meditating, affirmations, gratitude lists - they are all effective. By practicing those things more throughout our day we affect those inner voices. Our default then begins to switch away from the knee jerk reaction of negativity - making things up on the down side - toward our more enlightened self, which bends over backwards to give us our heart's desire. When we begin to shift our point of attraction to a positive one, our lives change, our circumstances change and it becomes easier to focus on what's good and what's going right. The inner dialogue shifts.
This is profoundly different than just "thinking positively." That often comes across as void of compassion and an arrogant way of correcting another without dealing with our own lives. That would be negative denial - or as my friend Jacob would say, "putting pink icing on a shit cake." What we are doing is addressing the facts head on while refuting that they have any power over us. By all means deal with any negative voice that consistently reinforces pain by talking to someone - a therapist, minister, counselor, Rabbi or Practitioner. Find a way to appropriately vent your pain as you seek to let it go. Stop letting it leak out by complaining or calling something chronic or constant talk about how "that's just my luck." It does not serve our lives, it just perpetuates circumstances that we do not want. I'm talking about subscribing to a force that holds the galaxies in place. The Universe is so compliant that it seeks to give us what we want. Let's stop feeding it with our negative voices. Begin to recognize and acknowledge when you attract good things in your life, things that go right. Talk about those things more than you talk about what's wrong.
It is time to get a very strong vision for our lives - what it's about and what we are going to focus on. It begins by becoming conscious of our thoughts, our negative tapes. Just notice. We heal by noticing. Let's begin to notice what's going right, not what's going wrong as our training and our world has taught us. These are important times and we will change our lives by reaching deep within for a lasting and eternal truth that resides there, not by trying to get things from without.
I leave you this week with the very wise words from a dominant voice in forging peace in the world today, Daisaku Ikeda. A philosopher, educator, author and third president of the Soka Gakkai lay Buddhist organization. His yearly peace proposals submitted to the United Nations have made a profound impact on world leaders. Take heed to his words when he says, "Such things as money, fame and material possessions offer a fleeting satisfaction, something that can be called relative happiness. However, when we transform our lives internally, when we develop within ourselves a brilliant inner palace, then we can said to have established absolute happiness. If we develop a state of mind as vast and resplendent as a magnificent palace, then nothing - no matter where we go or what we may encounter in life - can undermine or destroy our happiness."
I also leave you with a video of someone who embodies positive denial - recognizing the facts but refuting the power they have over her. She refused to listen to the negative voices and made it up on the "upside!"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Divided We Fall
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we perpetuate separation. It's that look out for number one, get what you can, greed mentality that got us into this economic mess in the first place. It's easy to look at Wall Street and the banking system and blame it on their greed and lack of regulation, but make no mistake, we contribute to that pot every time we blame, criticize or demean ourselves or another. We must begin to look at our actions as directly contributing to the whole - good or bad. We do not live in a vacuum. Quite the contrary.
Spiritual teachers tell us that we are all expressions emanating from the mind of God or the Universe. Scientists tell us that, as energetic beings living in an energetic world, we don't stop at our skin. Physicists tell us that the quantum particles that we are made up of are always in constant communication with each other whether they are in our body or in another's. Metaphysical teachers tell us that there is one Spirit individualized in each of us. Whatever you choose to believe, I think we can all agree that there is more to us than meets the eye. Even the most pragmatic amongst us understands that our presence impacts our environment.
I was so disappointed this last week as I saw some people take such great delight in President Obama's failure to secure the Olympics for Chicago. And, when a Congressman screamed out "You lie!" in the middle of a joint Congressional address to the country, I was taken aback by how divisive we've become. Us and them, a camp divided - so much anger. Whichever way you lean politically, it is important to understand that we are not singling ourselves out when fostering that kind of separation. In the ego's undying attempt to make us right, better and special we have just projected every one of our fears and shortcomings onto another. We think we've just set ourselves head and shoulders above the pack, when in fact we've just called ourselves a liar and a failure.
We are so busy trying to prove our own superiority that we have suffered the whole as a result. Is our country any better? Are we working together to solve the world's problems or are we just posturing for personal gain? It's easy to point a finger at politics, but it just represents our individual consciousnesses. Neville Goddard, author of The Power of Awareness puts it beautifully when he says, "Man's chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness."
We all contribute to our world and we make a choice at each moment what that contribution will be. When we demean, embarrass or belittle another, we merely exacerbate separation on all levels. Because we are such powerful creators, together we set the stage for either peace or war. I had a teacher who used to say that the only thing you should do behind someone's back is pat it. Let's "man up," "grow a backbone" and step out on the side of each other. Nothing feels better than contributing to the good of another - and because we are all one, it becomes a self-serving act. Let's feed that lovely "quantum incubator of all possibilities" that Gregg Braden talks about, with more love and less fear. Aren't you tired of hearing the battle rage when you turn on talk shows or the news? Aren't you tired of all the anger and the fear it instills?
Let's take our cue from the Counsel of Elders, a group of world leaders selected by Nelson Mandela who are committed to contributing their wisdom, leadership and integrity to tackle the key challenges facing the world today.
I would encourage you this week to get to the bottom of any anger that you have in your own life that continues to be projected out into the world as attack. This is deep and this is powerful. When you are willing to be changed on the level of cause and take ultimate responsibility for your life and how it contributes to the whole, you have just waged the most profound kind of peace there is. When we give up our attack thoughts, the ones that rage within us, we will begin to see our adversaries differently...we will begin to see our brothers.
I leave you this week with a quote by Rossabelle Believe who said, "Let there be such oneness between us, that when one cries, the other tastes salt."
Spiritual teachers tell us that we are all expressions emanating from the mind of God or the Universe. Scientists tell us that, as energetic beings living in an energetic world, we don't stop at our skin. Physicists tell us that the quantum particles that we are made up of are always in constant communication with each other whether they are in our body or in another's. Metaphysical teachers tell us that there is one Spirit individualized in each of us. Whatever you choose to believe, I think we can all agree that there is more to us than meets the eye. Even the most pragmatic amongst us understands that our presence impacts our environment.
I was so disappointed this last week as I saw some people take such great delight in President Obama's failure to secure the Olympics for Chicago. And, when a Congressman screamed out "You lie!" in the middle of a joint Congressional address to the country, I was taken aback by how divisive we've become. Us and them, a camp divided - so much anger. Whichever way you lean politically, it is important to understand that we are not singling ourselves out when fostering that kind of separation. In the ego's undying attempt to make us right, better and special we have just projected every one of our fears and shortcomings onto another. We think we've just set ourselves head and shoulders above the pack, when in fact we've just called ourselves a liar and a failure.
We are so busy trying to prove our own superiority that we have suffered the whole as a result. Is our country any better? Are we working together to solve the world's problems or are we just posturing for personal gain? It's easy to point a finger at politics, but it just represents our individual consciousnesses. Neville Goddard, author of The Power of Awareness puts it beautifully when he says, "Man's chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness."
We all contribute to our world and we make a choice at each moment what that contribution will be. When we demean, embarrass or belittle another, we merely exacerbate separation on all levels. Because we are such powerful creators, together we set the stage for either peace or war. I had a teacher who used to say that the only thing you should do behind someone's back is pat it. Let's "man up," "grow a backbone" and step out on the side of each other. Nothing feels better than contributing to the good of another - and because we are all one, it becomes a self-serving act. Let's feed that lovely "quantum incubator of all possibilities" that Gregg Braden talks about, with more love and less fear. Aren't you tired of hearing the battle rage when you turn on talk shows or the news? Aren't you tired of all the anger and the fear it instills?
Let's take our cue from the Counsel of Elders, a group of world leaders selected by Nelson Mandela who are committed to contributing their wisdom, leadership and integrity to tackle the key challenges facing the world today.
I would encourage you this week to get to the bottom of any anger that you have in your own life that continues to be projected out into the world as attack. This is deep and this is powerful. When you are willing to be changed on the level of cause and take ultimate responsibility for your life and how it contributes to the whole, you have just waged the most profound kind of peace there is. When we give up our attack thoughts, the ones that rage within us, we will begin to see our adversaries differently...we will begin to see our brothers.
I leave you this week with a quote by Rossabelle Believe who said, "Let there be such oneness between us, that when one cries, the other tastes salt."
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Don't Should On Yourself!
I've been thinking a lot lately about how self critical we have become. We berate ourselves for falling short of some imaginary goal that we set for ourselves. Worse yet, we have a habit of replaying scenarios over and over again in our heads of how we should have handled a situation differently - things we should have said, ways we should have acted. We degrade ourselves and judge ourselves as inferior. We are often far more critical of ourselves than we are of others. We are judge and jury and pronounce a sentence that is extreme and leaves us feeling guilty and shameful. We punish ourselves and then we do the next inevitable thing; we begin to attack others to make ourselves feel better. "Well if she hadn't been so stubborn, I would have never..." It starts a vicious cycle of attack. It's time to let ourselves off the hook. It's time to promote inner peace in a way we've never done before. These times are calling for a radical change. We must forge the waters of inner peace in ways we've never done before by changing the inner landscape of our minds.
When we attack ourselves it is no different than attacking someone else. Since we live in an energetic world where thoughts and feelings relay messages that affect the whole, when we attack ourselves we send a message of fear that is felt by everyone. The response to fear is often attack, blame or defensiveness. Katie Byron, founder of The Work tells us that defense is the first act of war. A Course In Miracles tells us that "In my defenselessness, my safety lies." Having remorse for treating yourself or another person badly is normal. The action called for is forgiveness. Forgiveness of someone else, forgiveness of yourself. As my friend Jacob wisely tells us, "Mistakes call for correction, not punishment." We need to learn from them and then move on. More often than not we punish ourselves significantly more than the alleged crime warrants. How can we learn compassion for others if we lack it for ourselves? "I should be this way, I should have done this, I shouldn't be so..." I had a teacher who used to say, "Don't should on yourself!" If we, for just one week, wrote down all the "shoulds" we impose upon ourselves, it would shock us at the impossible task masters we have become. Who could live by all those rules? Who could live up to that kind of perfection? And yet, this template becomes the one by which we set our standards. We don't even question where these rules come from. And the disappointment of not measuring up to these preconceived standards resides in the background of our lives and adds to our mild or even perhaps extreme discontent.
I'm asking you to give yourself a break. Let yourself off the hook this week. Ease up on all those strict standards and relax in the knowledge that you're doing the best you can. We make life so much more difficult than it has to be. If we ease up a little on our impossible rules, we will begin to feel a natural release from guilt - guilt that we tend to project onto others and then judge them by. We will then begin to see others differently because we will break the chain of defensiveness and blame. We are always first cause. It always starts with us and that's the good news. It gives us the power to change it.
We think all hell will break loose if we relax our standards, but once again it's the opposite; all peace would break loose. We are living by man made, self imposed, seemingly impossible rules; by which we then judge the rest of the world. If we are trying to become happy then that is faulty problem solving at its best. The solution here is inner peace. That may sound like a lofty ideal but it is, in fact, the best contribution we can make toward a more peaceful world. Berate and judge or soothe, forgive and relax the inner critic? Which one are you willing to project today? Inner peace is the beginning of the kind of life that we seek - a life of incredible joy, love and overwhelming good.
I would encourage you to relax this week. Take a vacation from all the "shoulds" you've been burdening yourself with. Check in with Byron Katie whose soul purpose is to teach people how to end their own suffering. Remind yourself of how often you get things right. If you're mind is being insufferable, make a list of them. If you still can't find peace in a given situation, pretend it's your best friends' problem and they are coming to you for advice. Extend to yourself the compassion that you would give your friend. Be easy on yourself this week. You're doing the best you can. Relax in the knowledge that you are loved and all is well.
I leave you this week with a quote from PM Forni, M.D. who said, “We are all the trustees of one another’s happiness and well being in life.”
When we attack ourselves it is no different than attacking someone else. Since we live in an energetic world where thoughts and feelings relay messages that affect the whole, when we attack ourselves we send a message of fear that is felt by everyone. The response to fear is often attack, blame or defensiveness. Katie Byron, founder of The Work tells us that defense is the first act of war. A Course In Miracles tells us that "In my defenselessness, my safety lies." Having remorse for treating yourself or another person badly is normal. The action called for is forgiveness. Forgiveness of someone else, forgiveness of yourself. As my friend Jacob wisely tells us, "Mistakes call for correction, not punishment." We need to learn from them and then move on. More often than not we punish ourselves significantly more than the alleged crime warrants. How can we learn compassion for others if we lack it for ourselves? "I should be this way, I should have done this, I shouldn't be so..." I had a teacher who used to say, "Don't should on yourself!" If we, for just one week, wrote down all the "shoulds" we impose upon ourselves, it would shock us at the impossible task masters we have become. Who could live by all those rules? Who could live up to that kind of perfection? And yet, this template becomes the one by which we set our standards. We don't even question where these rules come from. And the disappointment of not measuring up to these preconceived standards resides in the background of our lives and adds to our mild or even perhaps extreme discontent.
I'm asking you to give yourself a break. Let yourself off the hook this week. Ease up on all those strict standards and relax in the knowledge that you're doing the best you can. We make life so much more difficult than it has to be. If we ease up a little on our impossible rules, we will begin to feel a natural release from guilt - guilt that we tend to project onto others and then judge them by. We will then begin to see others differently because we will break the chain of defensiveness and blame. We are always first cause. It always starts with us and that's the good news. It gives us the power to change it.
We think all hell will break loose if we relax our standards, but once again it's the opposite; all peace would break loose. We are living by man made, self imposed, seemingly impossible rules; by which we then judge the rest of the world. If we are trying to become happy then that is faulty problem solving at its best. The solution here is inner peace. That may sound like a lofty ideal but it is, in fact, the best contribution we can make toward a more peaceful world. Berate and judge or soothe, forgive and relax the inner critic? Which one are you willing to project today? Inner peace is the beginning of the kind of life that we seek - a life of incredible joy, love and overwhelming good.
I would encourage you to relax this week. Take a vacation from all the "shoulds" you've been burdening yourself with. Check in with Byron Katie whose soul purpose is to teach people how to end their own suffering. Remind yourself of how often you get things right. If you're mind is being insufferable, make a list of them. If you still can't find peace in a given situation, pretend it's your best friends' problem and they are coming to you for advice. Extend to yourself the compassion that you would give your friend. Be easy on yourself this week. You're doing the best you can. Relax in the knowledge that you are loved and all is well.
I leave you this week with a quote from PM Forni, M.D. who said, “We are all the trustees of one another’s happiness and well being in life.”
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